maude - 6.9.90 to 7.23.06 - r.i.p.

she was a really, really great cat and i'm going to miss her terribly. i do miss her terribly.



around 5:30 tonight she had a serious asthma attack and was unable to fully catch her breath. her breathing was shallow and labored and we were both very distressed by it. i took her to the emergency clinic and they gave her oxygen but didn't think she'd recover without being hospitalized and they weren't certain how long it would take to stabilize her. they also thought her tumor was cancerous and likely spreading internally as well. they didn't expect that she'd survive without surgery and they couldn't guarantee that she'd survive the surgery.

she was scared and she couldn't catch her breath and i just couldn't put her through it so they gave her a sedative and i held her and petted her and told her how awesome she was and how much i'd miss her. i think she forgave me and i hope she understood that i only did it because i couldn't bear her suffering.

i pet her and kissed her goodbye and told her i loved her and in a few seconds she was gone. i left the clinic with her empty carrier and i cried everytime someone would try to look in because i knew she wasn't there and she never will be again.

i'm incredibly sad. the apartment is so different and lonesome without her. she gave this place attitude. she really was the very, very best cat and i loved her so, so much. i keep looking over at the couch expecting her to be there to comfort me but of course she isn't.

she's being cremated so i'm going to think of something special to do with her ashes. i think i'll wait til my mama comes out in november so she can be there with me.